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Coming Together

Just like the title would suggest, things are really coming together. I think the things I'm most apprehensive about is how much money I've spent since I've been here, that this box for shipping my things might be too big, and that Smoker hasn't shown up yet. Part of me is really thinking he won't show up until after I leave. Which really bites since I desperately want him to be one of the things that's there when I get home. But for now I'm just excited to be going back to Ohio and getting a job again.

Another up side is that I've started talking to Nat again, which is great because she always made my ideas flow so much better then when I tried to write by myself. x__X We're currently role-playing Phoenix/Edgeworth. Which is nice because they're one of my favorite pairings throughout all my fandoms. I'm trying to get into writing something for the two of them again, but it's a slow progression. At this point I don't really like anything I'm turning out. It all seems really mismatched and everything. But I'm hoping to re-play the games when I get back to Ohio and just sort of get back into things again.

Particularly Edgeworth and Daryan. I missed my boys so much. <3

I really want to do something cute with Edgeworth and HoboPho, but I'm having some trouble settling on an idea. Plus my mind keeps jumping to sex scenes for some reason. x__X I'm kind of trying to break myself of that, though I do have an idea for a really nice one. But I don't want to start it until we finish what we're role-playing because if it turns out exactly how I'm picturing it (though, usually when with Nat it never does XD) then I might not feel so compelled to write it all down.

Plus, I still have a lot of other things I can finish when the inspiration hits me. Particularly pertaining to a Phoenix/Edgeworth marriage piece that took place after the seven year gap. I'm still trying to sort out all my ideas for that part though, since the original writing sort of just flowed out of my fingers and at this point there's a lot less flow than I'm used to. I've really got to get back into the swing of things.

But, other than that, I guess things are doing mostly okay.

Homesick

Something about seeing the light flash on Izzy's collar made me want to go home even more now.

We were talking the other day about how he didn't wear the collar because it signified something that he just thought wasn't there anymore between him and his girlfriend. But since they bathed together earlier, spent all day together, are currently sleeping together (again, literally, not sexually), and he's wearing the collar?

I'm getting sick of this back and forth. :/ If I had the chance to go back to Ohio right now? I'd take it. In an instant. It'll be interesting to tell the two of them I don't plan on coming back.

And it isn't just the bitchy little attention whore child in me either. It's that I'm not really happy here. I've had some good instances, don't get me wrong. But generally? It's been a lot of stress and stuff that I'm not going to need if I go to college. Plus, I'm pretty sure that Izzy just thinks poorly of his girl for my sake more than he's actually troubled by anything. Sure, they have arguments. But they're little stupid things that he gets over really quickly. And I'm not sticking around so he can come running to me, acting like he wants major changes, when really? He's just in a tiff for the time being and it'll go away.

My master plan is to stay in my room until we leave on the 1st. I really don't want to deal with either of them, and since I needed some errands run I left a note saying I was sick. I've been avoiding them all day and, up until my Internet died in the middle of a role-play? I was doing fine. Sleeping a little too much, maybe, but doing fine. Maybe if I get bored enough I'll be inspired to write something else.

I'll need to ask them if they know where I can get some big boxes anyway, I guess. I don't really like the idea of carrying Dante the entire trip. But I don't want to leave my stuff here. I want to send it back a couple of days before I leave so it's waiting for me when I get there. I really hope Smoker shows up though. :/

Aside from him, my main concern is my cat. Not so much what to do with him when I get to Ohio as actually getting him to Ohio. I'd like to just take him with me, but I'm pretty sure they don't allow that sort of thing on trains. I might just leave him here for a while. I plan on getting a full time job when I get back (since I won't have anything to do otherwise, I might as well try to refill the savings I burned while I've been here) and moving out before I go to college. I plan to find a place that allows cats so he and Mini can come live with me (since I want Shadow to live with me).

I'm looking into Bowling Green. Plan to apply when I get back to Ohio. If I get accepted for a Spring semester? I'll be looking for a new job and a place to live out there. I'm pretty excited. I just wish I didn't have to leave my cat behind for who-knows-how-long.

I feel sort of bad for telling Izzy I was coming back. But, in all fairness? It seemed like a sure thing when I told him. But that was because I thought he might have needed me. The truth is, I think the two of them will get on just fine without me. Hell, probably better off without me around. And surprisingly enough? I'm not really sore over it.

I just...really would rather be home right now. - 3-;; Curled up in my own bed, surrounded by my own crap and my own family. Maybe even with Shadow (who might be at the train station > 3<). Away from this drama. God, I'm so sick of drama. I realize life is made of the stuff but mine is at least five cups of drama. Too much!

I kinda wish I could take a shower, but it's almost five in the morning. I'm still not tired (either too hot to sleep or just restlessness) but one of my eyes has that tired feeling now so I might try to sleep anyway. It'd probably help if I hadn't slept so much throughout the day. Wish I could call Shadow. = 3= But five in the morning is seven in the morning there and if she needs to sleep then I'ma let her sleep.

[/sighs] I just want to go hoooome.

Plus, I was looking through some of divinestar 's stuff here on her lj community and that just made me miss my family. I think I almost considered crying when looking at this one picture she did ages ago of Eva covering Sparda, Vergil, and Dante with a blanket. Too cute. T 3T I just want something to cuddle with right now.

Well, someone. Butter likes to cuddle but I have a hard time falling asleep when he cuddles with me. He sheds a lot. -_- Which is okay, but generally I'm just not in a sleep comfy position when I'm cuddling him.

Of course...the only person I'd cuddle would be Shadow. But still. = 3= I like cuddling her too.

I'm just at one of those points where there's a lot I want to do and I just can't do anything until I get back to Ohio. So every day goes by really slow and I'm mega bored most of the time. Particularly since I'm avoiding the other two (did I mention that Izzy's girl got upset that I fell asleep upstairs last night? = 3=;; ).

UGH. Am I back in my room yet!?

I think I'm going to just try to fall asleep. Where'd I put that huge rock...?

A Little Bit Left

Only have about nine more days in South Dakota. Honestly? I'm really looking forward to going home. Especially after yesterday. The entire idea of me being irritated over something like them hanging downstairs is pretty stupid, I know. I actually didn't feel that ostracized, it was sort of nice to just sit upstairs and watch movies by myself. Then come downstairs and cuddle with my cat (whose currently sleeping in my laundry basket = 3= Cute kitty is cute).

But I guess I'm just...I dunno. I'm still irritated with little things that probably shouldn't be bothering me. I feel like they'd both function just fine without me around. Which is a good thing, I guess, except for when Izzy gets into those fits where he's mad at his girlfriend and comes to me. Because then I just get attached again only to have it turn out to not be something that I was hoping it could be. And I can't keep shredding myself up over that sort of thing.

As fun as it is. ._.;

So, as hyped as I was about the idea of coming back to South Dakota for college? I might not. I really want to ship all my stuff back to Ohio and just...I dunno. Go to Bowling Green. That's where my favorite English Teacher went and if I'm going to go into teaching it seems like as good a place as any.

I guess, at this point, I just want my own space. Like, I want an apartment to set my stuff up in and just...not have to deal with other people. Except, maybe, like Ana. I'd like it if Ana came to live with me. And Ria could of course come over. But other than that? I just don't want to deal with parents and drama and all this crap. This stuff was so high school, and when I graduated? I figured I'd be leaving it behind.

But I really, really want to send all my stuff back to Ohio anyway. I bought too much of it at the con to carry it all with me. ^^;; So, I'll need to at least ask them later if they know where I could find a box big enough for my far-too-large Dante. I really, really need to order Vergil when I get back to Ohio and find a new job. I hate myself for not buying him at Ohyahocon. D:<

But, anyway. For today I'm pretending I'm sick and "sleeping" whenever they come downstairs. And at the moment? I generally like the plan.

Some things.

Have you ever been in a situation where you liked someone you shouldn't like? And the truth is, you're aware that you could live without this person if it made them happy to be that way. You don't mind seeing them date other people, as long as they're okay.

Izzy had another one of his fits last night about doubting his current relationship as well as thinking that he "fucks up" everything he touches. This is the kind of shit he was suppose to be over. This is the stuff I handle so his girlfriend doesn't have to know it, but when they started dating again, this was the kind of stuff he wasn't suppose to be feeling. I have this thing about going into relationships when you're not sure that you want them. It stems from my commitmentphobia.

But he had this fit and I talked him down, same as I usually do, but now I'm back to liking him again. It's not even just liking him it's that I want to treat him right. I want to prove that there are better people out there than the one's he's been stuck with. I mean, first an abusive boyfriend and then a girlfriend that ignored him for two months for the sake of online shit. Not only that, but simple and cute romantic thoughts don't even occur to her. She's told me a few instances where she's had some ideas, but generally she never sees them through. Part of me wants to say I understand it - we're all big on house shopping so we can live together - but...still. It just bugs me.

I really don't care if his current girlfriend makes him happy. If anything I prefer it that way, it's easier on all of us if they're together and I'm just a friend living with them. But he can't keep changing is mind about it. When he talks to me about that kind of thing, I naturally flirt to make it better. But it's more than just flirting at this point. I actually want to fix things, want to prove to him that there are better people out there for him. That he could find someone that cares enough to do the little things that he wants done. The cute ideas he sees in the books he reads. They really aren't that far fetched ideas.

But how stupid is this:

"It's hard to call out for someone if you need them...and I can admit that easily. But...the thing is I can't stand on my own. I tear myself apart...find everything I hate about myself...weighed the option on if it was worth it for me to stick around in a world I hated all throughout high school...I'm sure there's other people out there like me...that need that support you know? That want those small romantic kinda things...."

&

"If you're allowed to say there's someone out there like you for me then I'm allowed to say there's someone out there like me for you."

Does it seem stupid to anyone else that we're basically talking about finding people exactly like each other for ourselves?

I guess there's this looming thing over my head, that Izzy is one of my friend's boyfriends. For a while they were exes, but now they're back together. That's always hanging over me. And part of me doesn't want to move in with them. Just in case Izzy ever does decide to accept me in a romantic way. I don't want to have to deal with his girlfriend...who can be somewhat psycho. I'd like to have a place of my own, just somewhere he can go when he needs a break from her. That sort of thing, I guess.

But, at this rate? I'm not expecting us to hook up. Mostly because I tried to sleep with him once (not sex, just literally sleep together) to help him sleep and later his girlfriend told me that he'd said it "wasn't the same."

Plus he got sick the next morning. Not exactly encouraging.

SmoAce - Unexpected Cliches

We're going to try the lj cut thing again.

Title: Unexpected Cliches
Series/Disclaimer: One Piece, I don't own it either.
Pairing/Characters: No pairing. Smoker, Tashigi & Ace.
Warning: Angst, which shouldn't really need warning. SPOILERS for most recent One Piece chapters.

Summery: Smoker muses on yet another opinion that always separated him and Ace: rainy days.

Author's Note: I know. It's somewhat unbelievable that I'm writing One Piece fandom. But since I've been in South Dakota with Crickey and Phox, I've been getting into some really strange pairings.

Anyway. I've only recently gotten into One Piece and while I'm on the thirties in episodes, I'm only on book two! So, technically, I haven't even met Smoker and Ace. But! If you know me, you know I love my research. And Crickey is a huge fan, so I like to think that she's been keeping my Smoker in check.

Tread lightly if you fear spoilers!

With the recent chapters out, I know a lot of fans are worried about Ace's outcome. An author I really admire on y!Gal and dA wrote a fanfiction revolving around Luffy and Zolo after Ace's death. Since I'm a huge Smoker fan, I had to give it a shot!

Alright, resume walking normally!

So, I hope it looks alright. I really appreciate hearing if my Smoker is acceptable, just for some insight if I decide to keep writing. Enjoy! 

Smoker did not like rain.Collapse )

Teh lame.

Wow. I can't copy and paste into an LJ cut anymore. Guess I won't be posting my shit here. oO

Fuck fuck.

Totally lame with updating here, I am. Though I decided to again since...uhm...someone said they read something I wrote here before anywhere else. GO FIGURE. S'yeah. Here's the two latest York/D drabbles, yo'z.

Title: Something Lost
Series/Disclaimer: Red vs Blue: Out of Mind, which I don't own.
Pairing: None, really.
Warning: Nothing much.
Summery: Shortly after getting Delta, York bears witness to the Director's slip up...and suffers the cost of a good friend.

Author's Note: I'm uploading this now because I'm telling myself I won't be doing any more uploading today. When I get home I think I'm going to curl up and watch some Iron Man and...not be online. And stuff.

Plus I want to update my progress journal. I love doing that. Bitch. I'm going to work late to do it. Whatever.

I NEED OPINIONS on if I should go back and give this a part two. Mostly detailing York handling Wash after the incident or possibly the part where Wash loses Epsilon. Thanks much.

Boring, boring...Collapse )

Title: His Left Side
Series/Disclaimer: Red vs Blue: Out of Mind - I DON'T OWN IT.
Pairing: Kinda implied Delta/York.
Warning: NONE. Lololol.
Summery: It's another moving day for York and Delta, but after a chase and some thought, York decides it's the last time.

Author's Note: I hate writing summaries, they make me want to shank myself in the FAYCE~

Srs fayce. [That will only make you lololol if you know Arby n' the Chief]

Latest one from my notebook. I would say it's 'fresh' but that would be a lie. I actually have another that's mostly edited and done but I'm at my friends for the weekend and I'm really doing this at his kitchen table in the time we're waiting for the Apple Crisp to heat up so we can has some with ice cream.

FUCK HIS FINAL FANTASY MUSIC.

I has a canzorz. Alright. No more inside jokes in my author's notes.

Let's run away...Collapse )
LAWLZ. Enjoy. :'D

Physical Illusion

I give up trying to keep updating this place daily. << I have so many other fucking blogs. But, yes, new story time. o:

Title: Physical Illusion
Series/Disclaimer: Red vs Blue: Out of Mind - which I don't own. But if I did, York so would have not died that soon. Or would have a spinoff series. Or SOMETHING.
Pairing: Implied Delta/York.
Warning: None.

Summery: Delta entertains a thought of York's when the freelancer seems to be stuck in a cycle of anger.

Author's Note: I LOVE THIS PAIRING. Seriously. Might be my RvB OTP.

Aside from, maybe, Grif/Simmons.

But there's something so CUTE about Delta/York. Something that compels me to write more despite having prior commitments. Commitments I should focus on but so want to blow off in favor of this pairing. This pairing of epic win and sweetness and...god...so many ideas. SO MANY.

This pairing will definitely be revisited in the future. These two were too much fun to write for. There is no way I could leave it with just a one-shot of them. I wish I hadn't lost my goddamned notebook or I'd already have something going. I have ideas, man. Ideas.

Morning D...Collapse )

GAWD.

Kiyala spams her LJ so much. I feel intensely guilty. This is a blog site and I never post. Plus I totally haven't even looked at that damn kink meme thing.

Actually, I probably won't. At least not for a while. I have too many fanfictions to worry about.

-Daryan/Klavier
-Collab
-Grif/Simmons
-York/Delta

I'm kind of excited for York/Delta even though I have no clue WTF I'm doing with it. I'll do something though. I just need to watch the episodes with them again to get a grip on their characters.

I keep throwing around the ideas for the Simmons/Grif one. x__X; It's pretty much lame. I went from two parts, to six, to five, to three. I'm worried about doing it in three though because then it'll just be really long and tedious to read. And I don't want it to be really long and tedious to read. Because then people won't read it. And I like it when people read it. <3

And I need to move the following fanfictions to my y!gallery.

-Deception at Intermission (13 chapters)
-Trump Card (9 chapters?)
-Doesn't Shake Well (3 parts)

Goddamn. So much work to do. x__X; But I'm excited. Kinda. It'll probably get really annoying after a while. But I'm determined. Sorta. I really only have Daryan/Klavier up there now. And that one Phoenix/Edgey one.

Basically, I'm only showing one part of my fandoms.

But, yeah, dunno. Will have to move mai shit. Gonna start NAO. Before Chris gets home and distracts me all lame like he does.

A Promise

No clue why I'm posting this here. But no one comes here to read my stuff (except, well, one person I know of thus far. >> But I don't think she's into this fandom) and I really want to post it somewhere besides my myspace. o:

Title: You Gave Me a Promise
Series/Disclaimer: Red vs Blue
Pairing: Dick Simmons/Dexter Grif
Warning: Swearing. But hey, it's an RvB fic, what did you expect?
Summery: Grif is called away to war, for real, and Simmons is left to deal with it.

Anomalys of warCollapse )